Ep 4. My Pandemic birth and Post-partum with Maria Mansawala
My pandemic birth and postpartum.
Real moms series! Grab a cuppa and be part of the conversation, listen in to a chat between 2 moms, just having a ‘natter’ (as we like to call it in the UK).
It is incredibly empowering to hear from other moms, knowing we are not alone through this journey of motherhood and that we all go through similar obstacles. Hearing from them, learning from their experiences and having a laugh at the daily mishaps of parenting is what this mini series is all about.
In this episode I am joined by Maria Manasawala, she gave birth during the pandemic. Since giving birth she has moved in with her parents for a short time to help her with the adjustment to motherhood and get that much needed hands on support. She shares her journey of giving birth and needing an emergency c-section. How she prepared for labour and her very honest account of how she dealt with it emotionally along with what her biggest challenges and learnings have been since her little boy arrived.
Season 1 Ep 4
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hi mama you’re listening to the mama
podcast it’s Sumayya here the co-founder
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of mama ME app
mama me is the first app to exclusively
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connect mothers
across the middle east, connect with
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like-minded mamas and create lifelong
friendships
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at mama we are all about connecting
mamas to empower women
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so let’s join together and make this
mission a reality
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i’m so excited to be able to bring you
the real moms
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series and this week i’m joined by maria
who will be sharing her mom’s story and
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her labor
and what she’s been up to during the
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pandemic and afterwards
as well raising a little bit thank you
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so much for
um taking your time today and joining me
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because um
i know you’ve got a really young baby
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and we’ll get into that in a second
and i really really appreciate your time
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because i know
how difficult it is in those early days
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to make the time
yes hi thank you so much for having me
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on your show
uh it’s an absolute pleasure and yes i
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do have a really young baby
he’s just recently completed two months
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but i’m excited to have this chat with
you
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yeah i mean two months and just
coming out of i guess a pandemic so
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i met yeah i’m assuming your experience
is obviously different to what my
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experience was
and i’m really intrigued to find out how
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you felt during the sort of the pandemic
and being pregnant and then having to go
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through that labor process during the
whole pandemic yeah
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yeah well so obviously like um
you know we have plans and we have
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expectations of what our pregnancy is
going to be like and then
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uh having this kind of external
circumstance
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change things and shift things does uh
affect us and it’s it’s basically our
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expectations of what we want things to
be
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and then that that gets affected um you
know it’s uh
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like i don’t wanna cry and crip because
obviously i had it
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you know uh pretty good uh i didn’t
suffer like um
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like how other people have suffered
emotionally and financially and mentally
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but it’s just like all of us have
certain expectations and if those aren’t
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met we do get mentally disturbed
like for me i knew for a fact that my
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brother was gonna fly down
uh when i gave birth my grandma my mom’s
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mother was gonna fly down and be with us
and all of that couldn’t happen in my
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last uh two months of pregnancy
i couldn’t attend all my yoga classes i
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couldn’t go for walks
you know because it was much more
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important to stay in and stay safe
but uh obviously my expectation of what
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my
last few months were going to be were
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impacted
and then uh the kind of the kind of
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regulations we had at the hospital like
who could visit who couldn’t
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those things you know they changed
so it was mentally like really
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challenging as well as i guess
physically as well because you couldn’t
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really
you couldn’t go out at all did you do
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like different types of exercise
or did you sort of implement something
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that works better at home for you
or were you i did i did i did a lot of
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yoga at home i did a lot of meditation
um i kept listening to a lot of
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subliminals and i think meditation
really helped me you know
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come to terms with the fact that you
know this pandemic is external
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and i need to focus my energies on you
know all
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the things that i can control and start
thinking about the fact that okay this
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is exclusive time
with my baby even though like people
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can’t visit me
uh i can’t go out and you know uh
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do certain things but this is exclusive
time with my baby this is time for me to
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heal
this is family bonding time and you know
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obviously things will get better and
we’ll be able to do
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what we wanted to do in a while so it
was just about like you know getting
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through
those those tough months i think it’s a
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really good way of looking at it right
because if you
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look at the positives then it makes it
so much easier
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to deal with so did you you said that
you did a lot of subliminals did you do
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sort of um
hypnobirthing or um just meditation yeah
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i i did research hypno breathing i
didn’t get a chance to
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uh quite dive deep into it because
i discovered it quite at the end and um
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like i didn’t want to shift around what
uh my mental state was at that point
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and then try and learn something new but
i’d already uh read a couple of books
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i was uh i had a lot of apps that were
that kept giving me
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you know a decent amount of information
and stuff and i did attend an
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hypnobirthing class with
um shireen from white hippo and
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uh that gave me a little taste of you
know what hypnobirthing feels like and i
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felt like
i was on my own journey with meditation
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so i continued
with that and uh yeah so
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since hypnobirthing was quite i came to
know about it a little late so now i
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know more about it
hopefully with the second baby that’s
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yeah i mean also meditation i guess
hypnobirthing is a form of meditation
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exactly exactly so it does i guess it’s
just about using you know whatever tool
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works for you
if you can find something that works for
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you that keeps you on track
uh and positive and like i would uh
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definitely say like it’s very important
for any
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first-time mom to educate and meditate
but obviously don’t go looking for you
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know horror stories because that’s not a
good idea
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but definitely like educate yourself
yeah and there’s so many positive
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birth stories right like everyone talks
about all the negative
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stories but then exactly
exactly and i think i think uh movies
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and media really um impact us right
because
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what we see is just moms crying and you
know it’s not five hours of crying
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during labor pain
it’s it’s it’s a process it’s a journey
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you go through a lot before you reach
that
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you know uh those five minutes of
extreme pain so yeah i mean
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um if i were to talk about my birth
experience
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um so i had an induced labor
and um you know so i labored for a
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couple of hours
and then since things weren’t
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progressing like the way my doctor
wanted to i had to go for going for an
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emergency
c-section and i am
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so grateful that all my meditation
helped me
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um you know stay positive throughout
like i know my parents came back to me
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saying like
we were so surprised that you uh
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kind of like just breathed through this
entire process and you didn’t freaked
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out at all
and it was because like i kept telling
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myself like i need to do this for my
baby
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yeah and you know it’s very easy that
when you’re going through pain to forget
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the the reason you’re doing it yeah so
if you stay focused on the fact that you
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know you’re going to have your baby in
your arms soon
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and things are going to be better and
and everyone does it
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women’s bodies are meant to do this if
you keep reminding yourself of those
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things i think it really helps you
mentally and emotionally
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absolutely and i think it’s surprising
because i mean i personally did do hypno
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birthing before i gave birth to my
daughter and
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um even though you didn’t actively do
any hypnobirthing course a lot of the
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things that you’re actually mentioning
and talking about are very
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literally the things that you learn
whilst you do your hypno birthing class
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and so to focus on like the positives to
really stay calm
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and there’s a lot about the types of
hormones and things that are released
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when you’re calm and relaxed so i’m sure
that had an impact on how much more
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relaxed you were and
and also i’m sure i mean i’m not an
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expert but
you know there’s information to suggest
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that
your pain is less or you feel less pain
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when you’re in that kind of mindset
which is
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really interesting if you think about if
you can
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prepare yourself to a point where you
actually feel less pain then that’s
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amazing right
yeah yeah yeah i guess yeah i guess it’s
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all about that the entire preparation
for
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birth is about like you know
anticipating pain and i realize
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so a funny thing that i’d like to share
maybe it’s too much information for some
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of the audience but
um if you’ve been leaving for a couple
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of hours and then they decide to take
you in for a c-section
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um you know uh they they
uh give you medicines that brings your
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contractions under control right
so i like you you can feel that and then
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um
at that point i could feel less pain and
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i couldn’t
uh like my brain couldn’t process that i
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was like how how i i kept asking my
doctor like how has my
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pain suddenly gone down and she told me
that
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you felt more pain because you were
anticipating much more pain for the next
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couple of hours
and now because you know that you’re
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gonna go in for an operation
and you know this is gonna end soon your
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body
has already like uh you know it’s at a
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different stage and you are feeling less
pain because you know that it’s going to
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stop soon wow that’s interesting
yeah it really really yeah i mean i
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could still feel my contractions i was
at the
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i was at the tenth hour of my labor pain
and
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like just because i knew i was going to
go in for a c-section
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i was then so mentally relaxed i could
have a proper conversation with my
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doctor and ask her like
how come i’m feeling less pain and she’s
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like no your contractions are still
going up
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it’s just because you know that it’s
going to end soon that
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you’re just you know in better control
of yourself that’s incredible so they
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didn’t give you any pain relief
at this point it was just oh no i didn’t
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go for an epidural because i knew that
if i had to go for a c-section they had
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to give me
an epidural is more general and for a
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c-section they give you uh one of those
anesthesias in your lower back right
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that only numbs you
uh your uh weight your waist down so
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that you can actually experience and you
know
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see your baby after the baby’s born
that’s incredible i mean
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it’s so interesting that like just
because of your mind shift because you
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knew something different was going to
happen
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i find that really amazing yeah
yeah and i was i i kind of uh i’m happy
0:10:00.320,0:10:02.640
and this was the first time i was going
under surgery
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and i’m happy that my brain was able to
process the fact that okay i’m going to
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be numb so i’m not going to feel
anything
0:10:07.440,0:10:10.079
and there are doctors here and they’re
professionals here who are going to help
0:10:10.079,0:10:12.720
me through everything
so i’m just going to focus on enjoying
0:10:12.720,0:10:17.279
my birth and
you know it’s incredible did you
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anticipate a natural birth and then
you wanted a natural birth i’m assuming
0:10:21.920,0:10:25.680
yeah i did i did
so that’s why like i had an induced
0:10:25.680,0:10:28.240
labor because i wanted to try and have
it naturally
0:10:28.240,0:10:32.079
uh because of other complications we
couldn’t wait to for me to complete my
0:10:32.079,0:10:35.360
uh 40 week term but they had to
introduce me on my
0:10:35.360,0:10:40.320
uh at my 37th week and
so that’s why i like i wanted to try and
0:10:40.320,0:10:43.920
have it naturally
but i was okay because even though
0:10:43.920,0:10:47.519
things didn’t go as planned i felt very
good about and very positive about my
0:10:47.519,0:10:51.200
birth
every at every decision at every point i
0:10:51.200,0:10:54.480
felt like i had enough information i had
educated myself
0:10:54.480,0:10:58.399
i had mustered up the courage to ask my
doctor 15 questions
0:10:58.399,0:11:02.399
at every stage you know to make sure
that i know what’s happening with me
0:11:02.399,0:11:06.720
i think that’s really interesting
because it’s having that courage to ask
0:11:06.720,0:11:09.519
your doctor
is because if that makes you feel more
0:11:09.519,0:11:12.480
confident and comfortable then you
should definitely do that right and i
0:11:12.480,0:11:14.320
know for some reason they don’t want to
know
0:11:14.320,0:11:17.839
and and that’s fine you know if they’re
fine yeah they prefer not to know and
0:11:17.839,0:11:21.120
that that’s okay but if you do prefer to
know if you’re one of those people that
0:11:21.120,0:11:25.120
likes all the information then it’s it’s
nice to
0:11:25.120,0:11:30.079
be able to ask those questions yeah
yeah and i’d really encourage like so we
0:11:30.079,0:11:33.440
get overwhelmed because the doctors will
usually use
0:11:33.440,0:11:37.360
terms and you know um technical phrases
that we don’t
0:11:37.360,0:11:40.880
understand as common people but i would
encourage
0:11:40.880,0:11:45.279
anyone to go back to your doctor and ask
them to explain what they mean
0:11:45.279,0:11:49.120
like it’s okay if their first instinct
is to use that technical term
0:11:49.120,0:11:52.800
but you you should go back and ask them
you know what it really means and what
0:11:52.800,0:11:55.680
it’s going
to uh you know what the implications of
0:11:55.680,0:11:58.800
that are going to be on your pregnancy
if you are interested in that
0:11:58.800,0:12:02.000
it’s really interesting that you
actually say that because i
0:12:02.000,0:12:05.920
like so my previous career is um being a
dentist and
0:12:05.920,0:12:10.079
so i’ve been on the other end of like
having to explain something
0:12:10.079,0:12:13.600
slightly more medical and you know we’re
even though
0:12:13.600,0:12:17.519
we’re trained as like medical
professionals to say something
0:12:17.519,0:12:21.120
in layman’s terms which is what a
general like the general public should
0:12:21.120,0:12:23.680
understand
sometimes because you’re constantly
0:12:23.680,0:12:27.600
thinking in this medical
like mindset yeah that the other person
0:12:27.600,0:12:29.920
may not understand and it’s actually
really
0:12:29.920,0:12:33.120
like being on that other end it’s really
nice when someone actually says hold on
0:12:33.120,0:12:35.600
a minute
i don’t i didn’t understand that can you
0:12:35.600,0:12:39.120
explain that in terms that i’ll
understand and because that makes it so
0:12:39.120,0:12:40.959
much
nicer being on the other end that
0:12:40.959,0:12:44.000
actually that person is really involved
they understand and they want to
0:12:44.000,0:12:47.839
understand and i know
like from any medical professional that
0:12:47.839,0:12:49.920
i know personally i know that they
wouldn’t have
0:12:49.920,0:12:54.720
any problems explaining that and doing
that and i think sometimes
0:12:54.720,0:12:58.399
and i’ve been on both ends right and i
think sometimes being on the other end
0:12:58.399,0:13:01.680
you think that
you’re going to offend the doctor or
0:13:01.680,0:13:05.360
that they have too much to do
but you know i think their main priority
0:13:05.360,0:13:09.040
is you as a patient right and they want
to look after you so it’s important
0:13:09.040,0:13:12.160
i think you’ve brought up a really valid
point there that
0:13:12.160,0:13:16.160
it’s great to ask those questions and if
you don’t understand just ask
0:13:16.160,0:13:21.279
yeah yeah yeah so like i said like you
have to educate yourself like if it puts
0:13:21.279,0:13:25.600
you in more control
because i mean of course there are
0:13:25.600,0:13:29.120
people who would
rather have it you know just not have
0:13:29.120,0:13:32.560
all that information and go into it and
then see what happens and that’s fine
0:13:32.560,0:13:35.600
but i’m the kind of person who needs to
have all the information
0:13:35.600,0:13:39.839
from every tool that was going to be
used on me and i kept asking my doctor
0:13:39.839,0:13:44.160
if you know
i’d be i’d have access to air and gas
0:13:44.160,0:13:48.160
if there’d be a yoga ball there if i’d
be able to move around in the hospital
0:13:48.160,0:13:52.720
and all of that was a yes yes yes and
then because of the pandemic of course
0:13:52.720,0:13:55.760
uh the movement was a little restricted
uh
0:13:55.760,0:14:02.000
the way people the way the staff behaved
uh you know during um the birth process
0:14:02.000,0:14:06.000
was it was a little different so all of
that gets you know got affected but
0:14:06.000,0:14:09.839
but it was okay as long as all the major
things on my list were
0:14:09.839,0:14:13.440
ticked off i was okay with you know the
other tiny bits
0:14:13.440,0:14:17.199
moving around all the time out of
curiosity did you have to wear
0:14:17.199,0:14:21.360
a mask during your while you were
actually naturally laboring
0:14:21.360,0:14:26.320
um so uh there is
there are a couple of tests that they
0:14:26.320,0:14:30.160
keep doing uh
to check if to check for baby movement
0:14:30.160,0:14:34.240
and heart rate and stuff like that
during those tests i had to continue
0:14:34.240,0:14:39.760
wearing my mask
but then once um i was actively laboring
0:14:39.760,0:14:43.360
i think i took it off and i don’t think
any nurse had the
0:14:43.360,0:14:48.639
uh you know like uh thing to come up to
me and say like you have to keep it on i
0:14:48.639,0:14:51.279
at that point i think they understood
that i was in so much pain i couldn’t
0:14:51.279,0:14:53.839
keep it on
any longer and anyway it was a very
0:14:53.839,0:14:56.800
controlled environment because only one
person was allowed in the labor room
0:14:56.800,0:14:59.600
with me and that person was a family
member right
0:14:59.600,0:15:02.639
so and the family member kept their mask
on
0:15:02.639,0:15:06.720
okay and i would love to see you i mean
i guess that’s that makes sense right
0:15:06.720,0:15:10.160
i was just curious to see what the
implementation and obviously that
0:15:10.160,0:15:14.399
may have changed again since you gave
birth how old is your son
0:15:14.399,0:15:18.000
just over two months you said two months
and one week yeah
0:15:18.000,0:15:21.360
oh wow so he’s really young and so
you’re
0:15:21.360,0:15:26.959
at your mom’s house right now and i mean
i find this like really amazing that
0:15:26.959,0:15:30.639
you’ve got this um
incredible support network around you
0:15:30.639,0:15:33.839
which in those early days can be quite
challenging when you come home with a
0:15:33.839,0:15:37.040
new baby
and obviously your mom’s done it before
0:15:37.040,0:15:40.800
so that’s amazing because you’ve got
some support there and it’s just nice to
0:15:40.800,0:15:44.160
be able to have a nap in the day right
and have someone look after the child
0:15:44.160,0:15:48.800
for sure for sure
my first two weeks i think all i did was
0:15:48.800,0:15:52.320
feed my baby and then everything else
was taken care of by my mom
0:15:52.320,0:15:56.480
like diapering changing um you know
bathing the baby
0:15:56.480,0:15:59.839
soothing the baby everything i don’t
know what happened during those first
0:15:59.839,0:16:03.519
few weeks
because i was just so zonked out and
0:16:03.519,0:16:06.800
super tired i just wanted to take the
time to heal
0:16:06.800,0:16:09.920
i did still meditate during those days
right
0:16:09.920,0:16:14.399
and um but yeah i was just healing from
my c-section and stuff so it was really
0:16:14.399,0:16:17.920
good to have my mom around
um and i think it’s the cultural thing
0:16:17.920,0:16:23.199
uh so i’m indian
and uh for us uh it’s usually the norm
0:16:23.199,0:16:25.839
that
once you give birth you stay for the
0:16:25.839,0:16:28.560
first couple of months usually it’s 40
days but it’s
0:16:28.560,0:16:31.920
actually kind of up to you how long you
want to stay with your parents
0:16:31.920,0:16:35.759
so we move back to our mom’s house give
birth there
0:16:35.759,0:16:38.959
stay there for a couple of uh you know
months
0:16:38.959,0:16:42.480
just so that you know you get used to
living with a baby
0:16:42.480,0:16:46.560
and it’s really great to have your mom
mom your parents whoever you can
0:16:46.560,0:16:49.759
you know just a helping hand around who
knows someone who knows that you know
0:16:49.759,0:16:52.560
you need
a break in the day from taking care of
0:16:52.560,0:16:56.320
the baby yeah i mean i would have killed
for that in those early days honestly
0:16:56.320,0:16:58.800
like
it really i mean i’m sure it makes such
0:16:58.800,0:17:02.560
a big difference when
um you can actually rest because babies
0:17:02.560,0:17:06.240
wake up so often to feed in those early
sort of few months
0:17:06.240,0:17:09.280
exactly exactly and to be honest my baby
was i mean
0:17:09.280,0:17:13.120
i’m not saying my baby was so tiny but
like babies initially are so tiny you
0:17:13.120,0:17:16.559
don’t know how to
handle them it’s just for first-time
0:17:16.559,0:17:21.039
moms it’s very overwhelming
and um so are you still at your mom’s
0:17:21.039,0:17:25.679
house right now
i am and are you allowed are you sort of
0:17:25.679,0:17:29.200
having visitors
or not yet how do you feel like do you
0:17:29.200,0:17:34.799
feel comfortable with visitors right now
not yet neither me nor my husband are
0:17:34.799,0:17:39.039
comfortable with having visitors over
and i understand that you know things
0:17:39.039,0:17:44.000
have opened up
um a little bit now and the restrictions
0:17:44.000,0:17:48.559
are
a little more um accommodating
0:17:48.559,0:17:52.320
but uh obviously the virus is still out
there
0:17:52.320,0:17:55.600
and you know people some people are
still getting affected
0:17:55.600,0:17:59.760
even though the numbers have gone down
but still very much there so
0:17:59.760,0:18:02.960
and it’s it’s just too difficult to you
know
0:18:02.960,0:18:07.760
uh keep track and trace who has touched
what and where the person has been and
0:18:07.760,0:18:10.480
obviously people are starting to go back
to work now
0:18:10.480,0:18:15.679
so you know there’s there’s no way you
can track who’s come in contact with who
0:18:15.679,0:18:20.720
so i think it’s just safer uh
you know uh stretch it out for another
0:18:20.720,0:18:24.240
month or two and then see how thing
where things are yeah and that’s totally
0:18:24.240,0:18:26.320
understandable right everyone has their
own
0:18:26.320,0:18:31.760
um limitations and their own sort of
views and beliefs on these things and
0:18:31.760,0:18:36.480
it’s whatever works for you
um yeah so what has really i mean how
0:18:36.480,0:18:40.160
are you feeling right now in terms of
you’re probably still healing with your
0:18:40.160,0:18:44.320
poor you’re dealing you’re having to
obviously you’re looking after a
0:18:44.320,0:18:47.440
two-month-year-old you’ve got this
support network which is great but how
0:18:47.440,0:18:51.360
are you sort of feeling
as a like as a mom as a person how are
0:18:51.360,0:18:53.919
you
i’m actually good like to be honest i
0:18:53.919,0:18:58.720
think there might
be uh glimpses of fear that i have
0:18:58.720,0:19:04.559
like uh in my dreams um
because obviously i did go under surgery
0:19:04.559,0:19:10.880
and uh you know that brings
certain um you know that puts you in a
0:19:10.880,0:19:15.280
different kind of mental state um and
yeah
0:19:15.280,0:19:20.080
it was a i don’t want to say tragic but
it was it was an experience
0:19:20.080,0:19:26.400
so um but it it hasn’t uh
you know handicapped me mentally or
0:19:26.400,0:19:31.679
emotionally because
like i said um if you can find tools
0:19:31.679,0:19:35.280
that help you stay positive
whether it’s meditation whether it’s
0:19:35.280,0:19:38.080
journaling whether it’s
you know listening to subliminals
0:19:38.080,0:19:41.120
whether it’s talking to a friend whether
it’s playing with your parents
0:19:41.120,0:19:47.919
if you can find anything that keeps you
positive use it like
0:19:47.919,0:19:52.559
so you continued your meditation sort of
literally after you gave birth you
0:19:52.559,0:19:56.480
continued sort of focusing on the
meditation as a daily practice
0:19:56.480,0:20:00.400
yes i did i did it and then focusing on
things
0:20:00.400,0:20:04.720
sorry no no no go for it i was just
going to say it’s
0:20:04.720,0:20:09.520
it’s finding that thing that you really
enjoy and that you can have for yourself
0:20:09.520,0:20:11.840
i think is really important after you
give birth
0:20:11.840,0:20:17.440
for me it was exercise and so i made
time for exercise and that was my thing
0:20:17.440,0:20:21.600
30 minutes yeah that was your tool yeah
exactly
0:20:21.600,0:20:24.720
um and it’s just finding that tool right
whatever that
0:20:24.720,0:20:27.840
what whatever that is for you and i
think sometimes
0:20:27.840,0:20:34.480
we we focus on what that truly is for
society as a whole and i think it
0:20:34.480,0:20:37.760
doesn’t matter what it is it may be just
sort of sitting down and reading a book
0:20:37.760,0:20:41.679
for 20 minutes right it doesn’t really
matter what that tool is it’s just doing
0:20:41.679,0:20:47.120
something for yourself
yeah yeah for sure and i think uh
0:20:47.120,0:20:52.480
this lock the the lockdown that was
um after i had just given birth was kind
0:20:52.480,0:20:57.120
of a blessing in disguise
because not having visitors while it was
0:20:57.120,0:20:59.679
uh
something that my mom was really excited
0:20:59.679,0:21:03.120
you know about and she was really
looking forward to having uh you know
0:21:03.120,0:21:07.840
friends and relatives come home and
um you know meet the baby and bring
0:21:07.840,0:21:11.120
gifts and stuff like that
even though obviously even i would have
0:21:11.120,0:21:16.000
enjoyed that but i was quite okay
you know uh with not having visitors
0:21:16.000,0:21:21.520
come home immediately
and crowd our minds and our home
0:21:21.520,0:21:24.640
with obviously i mean there’s nothing
negative
0:21:24.640,0:21:28.880
if you like people coming home and
visiting your newborn child
0:21:28.880,0:21:33.039
but um you know like i said it was a
blessing in disguise because it was
0:21:33.039,0:21:37.120
exclusive
time for me to heal for me to bond and
0:21:37.120,0:21:39.360
you know
to just sleep it off like sometimes
0:21:39.360,0:21:42.320
that’s all you need like
because obviously your friends and
0:21:42.320,0:21:46.480
family will visit
once things get better but just use this
0:21:46.480,0:21:50.000
time
uh because you can’t you can’t change it
0:21:50.000,0:21:55.919
you might as well you know use it
uh positively yeah i agree i mean that’s
0:21:55.919,0:21:59.520
it’s true because you wouldn’t have had
that time otherwise
0:21:59.520,0:22:03.200
you wouldn’t have had that sort of
exclusive bonding time if there wasn’t
0:22:03.200,0:22:09.600
an actual enforced lockdown
exactly as a matter of fact my husband
0:22:09.600,0:22:14.799
runs his own small business so for him
there’s literally no day off he only has
0:22:14.799,0:22:19.440
fridays off
he’s working on saturdays as well and uh
0:22:19.440,0:22:23.440
you know even if we go on a holiday or
something he’s always still on his phone
0:22:23.440,0:22:27.280
there’s no like shutting down from you
know your own business right
0:22:27.280,0:22:32.320
but because of this lockdown he was home
with me for the last month and a half of
0:22:32.320,0:22:36.000
my pregnancy and that was an incredible
experience because
0:22:36.000,0:22:39.919
there was there’s literally nothing in
the world that could have caused that
0:22:39.919,0:22:45.520
except for the pandemic
you know and right after giving birth
0:22:45.520,0:22:51.360
my dad who’s also a workaholic um
was at home spending so much time with
0:22:51.360,0:22:54.080
my baby
and even that wouldn’t have happened you
0:22:54.080,0:22:58.000
know if it weren’t for
this current situation so it was really
0:22:58.000,0:23:01.919
about you know looking at the positives
so you’ve had some real good sort of
0:23:01.919,0:23:06.960
bonding time and time together which is
so lovely right you look back in a
0:23:06.960,0:23:11.679
year’s time and you’ll think
wow i managed to get like like this
0:23:11.679,0:23:14.799
child got undivided attention for a good
sort of
0:23:14.799,0:23:18.480
two or three months exactly and that was
the case at the hospital
0:23:18.480,0:23:22.000
too because i don’t know somehow i got
really lucky and that that
0:23:22.000,0:23:26.000
week that i gave birth there was no
other child born so my three days
0:23:26.000,0:23:29.679
at the hospital my baby was the only
baby in the nursery
0:23:29.679,0:23:34.159
i was the only uh you know mother who
was being given attention in the
0:23:34.159,0:23:37.440
maternity ward
so all the medical attention was also
0:23:37.440,0:23:40.799
there for us
that’s amazing you’ve had like vip
0:23:40.799,0:23:44.000
treatment
and you’re being happy your son has had
0:23:44.000,0:23:48.480
vip exactly exactly
yes i’m so glad you said that because
0:23:48.480,0:23:52.559
that’s a matter of perspective right
to feel that this is vip treatment i’m
0:23:52.559,0:23:57.840
not secluded i wasn’t alone
this was vip treatment um
0:23:57.840,0:24:01.840
so has anything really surprised you
about motherhood something that you
0:24:01.840,0:24:08.240
like didn’t expect
um i know well it’s it’s something that
0:24:08.240,0:24:11.679
i did say to myself a couple of days
back and i do want to share it
0:24:11.679,0:24:14.960
um you know how people tell you when
you’re about to give birth that
0:24:14.960,0:24:18.159
motherhood is a full-time job
i don’t think it’s a full-time job
0:24:18.159,0:24:20.720
because you can take a break from your
job too
0:24:20.720,0:24:24.320
at the end of the day you have a couple
of hours done you know
0:24:24.320,0:24:28.480
when you are just going to relax so
motherhood is not a full-time job
0:24:28.480,0:24:33.600
it’s a lifestyle i mean it’s true
actually it is a lifestyle
0:24:33.600,0:24:39.679
yeah i think yeah so
so i guess i mean i guess that like you
0:24:39.679,0:24:42.640
know even though you know that you can’t
take breaks from it
0:24:42.640,0:24:46.720
but actually living those first couple
of months with your baby
0:24:46.720,0:24:51.679
and realizing what it means to you know
uh not be able to watch your favorite
0:24:51.679,0:24:55.600
netflix show
or enjoy your coffee without having to
0:24:55.600,0:24:58.000
keep a year
out for like whether the baby’s crying
0:24:58.000,0:25:03.279
or not that really
that really uh you know um
0:25:03.279,0:25:08.000
that was my surprise i guess so
when you say it’s a lifestyle do you
0:25:08.000,0:25:12.240
feel that it’s your mind
like it’s it’s the way you look at it so
0:25:12.240,0:25:15.039
it’s your mindset in how you’re looking
at motherhood
0:25:15.039,0:25:19.520
rather than it being this oh it’s a it’s
a full-time job and i don’t get any
0:25:19.520,0:25:24.559
breaks you’re kind of thinking it of it
thinking of it as oh this is a lifestyle
0:25:24.559,0:25:28.799
this is just now
part of how i live my life and
0:25:28.799,0:25:32.159
you know sometimes i have to attend to
certain things which i may not have had
0:25:32.159,0:25:34.240
to do previously is that what you mean
by that
0:25:34.240,0:25:37.360
am i understanding yeah yeah i guess
because obviously in the first
0:25:37.360,0:25:40.960
uh the initial couple of months at least
for the first six months your baby needs
0:25:40.960,0:25:46.400
your undivided attention right
like even if you have help um
0:25:46.400,0:25:50.000
and even if you have help you’re still
always going to be so worried in the
0:25:50.000,0:25:54.000
first
six months or so uh you know because
0:25:54.000,0:25:56.640
you’re getting used to the baby the
baby’s getting used to you the baby’s
0:25:56.640,0:26:01.360
getting used to the world
so um and you want to do justice to that
0:26:01.360,0:26:04.159
journey
yeah so you might have to give up a
0:26:04.159,0:26:09.039
couple of things a couple of
uh you know luxuries or uh certain you
0:26:09.039,0:26:11.600
know leisure activities that you used to
enjoy
0:26:11.600,0:26:15.360
but it’s just for a couple of months
right so that’s that’s what helps me get
0:26:15.360,0:26:18.480
through it
yeah and it’s true i think it’s finding
0:26:18.480,0:26:21.279
that
i don’t like to use the word balance
0:26:21.279,0:26:24.720
because i think
you’re right it’s more of an integration
0:26:24.720,0:26:28.799
right having a child yeah
and then having work life and a social
0:26:28.799,0:26:32.880
life and a personal life
that all kind of has to be like it has
0:26:32.880,0:26:37.440
to be this dance that all goes together
and it just finds its way in
0:26:37.440,0:26:42.799
and i think we all strive for this work
life balance where we want to give our
0:26:42.799,0:26:45.679
children time and then give work time as
well but i
0:26:45.679,0:26:49.200
i really don’t think that like i don’t
think balance is the right term for it
0:26:49.200,0:26:53.200
it really is an integration
um yeah yeah and you know for some
0:26:53.200,0:26:57.120
people on some days it may be that you
give one thing more time than others and
0:26:57.120,0:26:59.360
i think as your child gets a little bit
older
0:26:59.360,0:27:04.799
those things become more of a manageable
yeah i’m not not just manageable but
0:27:04.799,0:27:08.240
something that you have to negotiate
as time goes on because as your child
0:27:08.240,0:27:12.159
grows it’s
slightly different needs right as they
0:27:12.159,0:27:16.000
go out there’s different needs that they
need and they require and i think
0:27:16.000,0:27:20.399
yeah especially in those early sort of
few months probably the first six months
0:27:20.399,0:27:24.080
um that undivided attention is really
really sort of
0:27:24.080,0:27:27.120
some like all children need it and i
think for as a mother
0:27:27.120,0:27:30.799
for me it was really important to also
provide that um
0:27:30.799,0:27:34.159
and and i guess it’s different obviously
some people do have to go back to work
0:27:34.159,0:27:37.840
much earlier than others
and and it’s finding what works for you
0:27:37.840,0:27:40.399
and what makes you happy and forgetting
actually that
0:27:40.399,0:27:43.600
this is what it should be and this is
what the norm should be right i think
0:27:43.600,0:27:46.960
it’s really
finding what works for you as a person
0:27:46.960,0:27:51.120
yeah and i think it make
it that that becomes easier if you know
0:27:51.120,0:27:53.600
the decision to have a child with your
own
0:27:53.600,0:27:57.360
or like i mean obviously you with your
partner and so like
0:27:57.360,0:28:02.159
don’t ever ever have a child out of just
societal pressure or peer pressure
0:28:02.159,0:28:05.360
because someone told you your biological
clock is ticking
0:28:05.360,0:28:11.039
or you know whatever reason have it when
you’re completely mentally prepared to
0:28:11.039,0:28:13.840
dedicate you know
some time and like you said i love that
0:28:13.840,0:28:17.360
word uh integrate another human into
your life
0:28:17.360,0:28:20.480
because there’s no other way you’re
gonna be able to do it positively it’s
0:28:20.480,0:28:24.399
funny because when we get married right
we integrate this other person into our
0:28:24.399,0:28:27.520
life we don’t
try and balance that person into our
0:28:27.520,0:28:31.279
life right like it really becomes a
relationship and you kind of work
0:28:31.279,0:28:35.039
together to make time for each other and
then make time for your own individual
0:28:35.039,0:28:37.600
needs as well
but then when you have a child we
0:28:37.600,0:28:42.399
somehow feel like
there should be a balance yeah yeah i
0:28:42.399,0:28:46.240
know i know what you mean because again
living with your husband you can
0:28:46.240,0:28:50.320
communicate with your baby you can’t
at least for the first year right so
0:28:50.320,0:28:53.520
it’s all about giving that first year is
just about giving
0:28:53.520,0:28:57.440
right so i guess i guess that’s where it
takes a little bit of a toll on some
0:28:57.440,0:29:00.320
people’s mental health
i think it’s yeah and if there’s nothing
0:29:00.320,0:29:03.440
wrong with taking time for yourself if
that means getting someone to come and
0:29:03.440,0:29:05.760
look after your baby or having your
partner
0:29:05.760,0:29:09.760
um take care of the baby like solely
take care of the baby for two or three
0:29:09.760,0:29:11.840
hours
i don’t know especially when you’re
0:29:11.840,0:29:14.559
breastfeeding it’s a little bit more
challenging because they need to be
0:29:14.559,0:29:17.919
fed more frequently and if they’re like
my daughter was didn’t
0:29:17.919,0:29:21.120
feed from a bottle like it was really
hard to get her to feed from a bottle
0:29:21.120,0:29:24.480
and breastfeed at the same time
so if that’s a challenge then i totally
0:29:24.480,0:29:28.880
understand but you still get that
sort of two hours and really sort of
0:29:28.880,0:29:31.120
making that time for yourself every so
often
0:29:31.120,0:29:34.480
yeah even if it’s not every day every
other day or once a week or twice a week
0:29:34.480,0:29:36.640
whatever
that works for your family i think
0:29:36.640,0:29:40.559
that’s important because that really
gives you that mind space doesn’t it
0:29:40.559,0:29:44.720
exactly it gives you a break and yeah
you should be okay to reach out
0:29:44.720,0:29:48.480
and ask for help whether it’s your
husband or your mom or friend
0:29:48.480,0:29:52.240
like someone who uh you know just
someone who’s been through something
0:29:52.240,0:29:56.080
uh similar who has given birth and you
know has a child will understand that
0:29:56.080,0:29:59.520
you need a break too and you know
just find someone who can come and help
0:29:59.520,0:30:03.520
you out or get paid help like
to be honest anything works at that
0:30:03.520,0:30:07.679
point in terms of like
your son is now just over two months old
0:30:07.679,0:30:11.360
um what are you
are you excited about anything um in
0:30:11.360,0:30:14.080
this coming year
are you looking forward to anything in
0:30:14.080,0:30:17.279
particular are you just sort of enjoying
what’s happening and just sort of going
0:30:17.279,0:30:20.559
with the floor i’m
actually just going to enjoy every day
0:30:20.559,0:30:25.120
just take it one step at a time
obviously he has growth spurts and that
0:30:25.120,0:30:29.360
those are intense and it takes a toll on
me mentally and
0:30:29.360,0:30:33.039
physically but apart from that i don’t
want to you know think about
0:30:33.039,0:30:39.919
too far in the future i don’t want to um
you know have any expectations of what
0:30:39.919,0:30:45.120
life is going to be with him
uh just just enjoy it for now
0:30:45.120,0:30:49.279
i think that’s yeah a really positive
way to look at it and
0:30:49.279,0:30:54.880
really enjoy those um yeah early years
i guess i mean people kept telling me
0:30:54.880,0:30:57.840
and i’m sure you’ll hear the same and
you probably already have had the same
0:30:57.840,0:31:01.360
that
you know those first two three years go
0:31:01.360,0:31:04.080
by so
quickly and then when they’re a bit
0:31:04.080,0:31:08.399
older you’ll always want them to be
young again so really enjoy those days
0:31:08.399,0:31:12.399
yeah yeah
yeah and i guess uh you know like it’s
0:31:12.399,0:31:16.080
very easy for parents to start
having expectations of their kids and
0:31:16.080,0:31:19.120
that’s something that i’m going to try
and actively avoid
0:31:19.120,0:31:22.159
i’m going to have expectations of myself
as a mother
0:31:22.159,0:31:27.360
but hopefully you know very few
expectations of my baby
0:31:27.360,0:31:30.960
yeah for me it wasn’t that i had
expectations of my daughter but i had
0:31:30.960,0:31:35.440
expectations of myself
and even realigning those expectations
0:31:35.440,0:31:41.360
were very important for me just because
setting really really high standards
0:31:41.360,0:31:46.000
sometimes can mean
that you’re actually not happy
0:31:46.000,0:31:49.120
like not that you’re unhappy but that
you’re
0:31:49.120,0:31:52.720
constantly like worrying because you’ve
set the bar so high
0:31:52.720,0:31:56.880
yeah too high yeah yeah and so that was
really interesting for me to learn
0:31:56.880,0:32:01.039
personally
yeah to cut yourself some slack and be
0:32:01.039,0:32:04.640
be okay with not being the perfect mom
actually there’s there’s nothing called
0:32:04.640,0:32:09.200
the perfect mom i think
there can only be a loving mother we all
0:32:09.200,0:32:13.840
provide what we need to for our child
for sure for sure yeah and i’ve already
0:32:13.840,0:32:19.120
had a couple of those moments where
where i’ve uh you know um ended up
0:32:19.120,0:32:23.840
crying because
i felt like i was uh if i if i needed
0:32:23.840,0:32:28.240
to tell someone that i need to take a
break from my baby and i need some help
0:32:28.240,0:32:33.360
uh you know managing things to feel like
i’m loving my baby less
0:32:33.360,0:32:37.279
like that’s what i felt recently that if
i if i’ve had to tell someone that i
0:32:37.279,0:32:40.559
need
you know 15 minutes of a female break
0:32:40.559,0:32:42.640
and if i need someone to help me with
something
0:32:42.640,0:32:46.559
it’s not that i love my baby less it’s
just that i need to recharge
0:32:46.559,0:32:49.840
and come back so that i can give my baby
my all right
0:32:49.840,0:32:52.880
that’s such an important learning right
and i think
0:32:52.880,0:32:57.120
to a degree i’m sure every mother
probably goes through this because
0:32:57.120,0:33:01.360
we want to give give give to our child
and that’s understandable
0:33:01.360,0:33:05.679
but it’s okay to take time for yourself
and have some me time and recharge your
0:33:05.679,0:33:08.880
own batteries because
like you said like without recharging
0:33:08.880,0:33:14.000
your own batteries you can’t give
yeah yeah and then and then if you’re
0:33:14.000,0:33:18.480
not gonna give a hundred percent
you know uh it’s gonna it’s gonna
0:33:18.480,0:33:21.600
project
in some other negative way sure and mom
0:33:21.600,0:33:27.760
guilt is something that we all have to
deal with like mentally to process that
0:33:27.760,0:33:31.840
feeling of mom guilt um i’m just yeah
like i’m sure
0:33:31.840,0:33:35.760
i’m sure there’s no solution but yeah
i’m i’m sure that every mother has
0:33:35.760,0:33:39.120
i i know for sure that every mother has
to deal with that the mom guilt
0:33:39.120,0:33:43.279
yeah and yeah you know often it’s not
actual like we shouldn’t really be
0:33:43.279,0:33:46.320
feeling guilty in those times at all
it’s just that we need some space and
0:33:46.320,0:33:49.360
some time
yeah exactly like i said like i know
0:33:49.360,0:33:52.480
that this is wrong and i know that i
just need to recharge and come back to
0:33:52.480,0:33:56.399
my baby a hundred percent
but i still can’t shake away that
0:33:56.399,0:33:59.120
feeling right but i guess it’s really
healthy that
0:33:59.120,0:34:02.480
um you know moms are able to talk about
these things now
0:34:02.480,0:34:07.840
and our society in our community is
slowly becoming more open to you know
0:34:07.840,0:34:11.919
discussing postpartum health and mental
health issues and
0:34:11.919,0:34:15.679
you know uh things that moms might be
facing and it’s not just about
0:34:15.679,0:34:19.760
um you know keeping up with that
motherly figure where you’re all
0:34:19.760,0:34:25.760
giving and and you never need a break
and uh you know by default you know how
0:34:25.760,0:34:30.079
to deal with everything that
you know comes with motherhood do you
0:34:30.079,0:34:34.240
feel that in your society
in your sort of community that it’s
0:34:34.240,0:34:37.679
becoming more of a conversation that’s
happening because
0:34:37.679,0:34:40.800
being raised in the uk mental health
like
0:34:40.800,0:34:44.879
not saying that mental health was openly
talked about when i was younger but
0:34:44.879,0:34:48.079
over the last sort of four or five years
i would say that it’s become a
0:34:48.079,0:34:53.599
conversation that’s quite commonplace
in the uk yeah and i’m just wondering if
0:34:53.599,0:34:57.359
that’s something that you’ve noticed in
your community and culture as well
0:34:57.359,0:35:00.720
i have i have for sure like i feel like
my generation
0:35:00.720,0:35:04.480
and you know my friends who i see uh
going through certain
0:35:04.480,0:35:08.880
uh similar circumstances as myself are
now more open to discussing
0:35:08.880,0:35:12.160
uh these situations whereas earlier it
would be about
0:35:12.160,0:35:16.640
you know keeping up face and like not
talking about these things and
0:35:16.640,0:35:23.440
uh obviously we come from a time where
uh postpartum depression was like
0:35:23.440,0:35:26.480
a myth like people didn’t even believe
it was true
0:35:26.480,0:35:31.440
yes definitely i’ve seen a shift um you
know in my generation for sure
0:35:31.440,0:35:35.200
that’s i mean that’s such a promising
thing right because i think it’s so
0:35:35.200,0:35:38.320
important that we do talk about this
mental health and
0:35:38.320,0:35:41.920
that postnatal depression is a real like
issue that some
0:35:41.920,0:35:45.040
moms do have to deal with and it’s
totally understandable because of the
0:35:45.040,0:35:49.520
change in
hormones and changing um lifestyle
0:35:49.520,0:35:53.280
and you know it’s okay to sort of talk
about it and
0:35:53.280,0:35:56.960
and ask for help if you need it right
there’s so many professionals out there
0:35:56.960,0:36:01.119
that are actually actively helping moms
with dealing with this as well
0:36:01.119,0:36:06.800
yeah and just having um all this
knowledge available to us i guess uh if
0:36:06.800,0:36:12.800
i go back and talk to my
mom or my aunts or whoever you know um
0:36:12.800,0:36:19.839
uh my elders and they’ll tell you stuff
like you know uh after their um
0:36:19.839,0:36:23.200
after their birth and during their early
motherhood journey
0:36:23.200,0:36:27.119
they experience certain things but they
just don’t use the word depression
0:36:27.119,0:36:30.960
and they they’ll they’ll tell you like
their stories will tell you
0:36:30.960,0:36:36.480
that they suppress so many emotions and
uh you know that leaves that leaves a
0:36:36.480,0:36:40.640
void in you so if
if they had had someone to talk about it
0:36:40.640,0:36:42.720
as well
uh you know things would have been
0:36:42.720,0:36:47.280
different so i
uh i know for a fact that i’ve uh
0:36:47.280,0:36:49.920
actively
reached out to a couple of friends you
0:36:49.920,0:36:54.640
know who are either expecting or
are just new moms and you know um
0:36:54.640,0:36:58.960
uh spoken to them about my experience
uh you know so that they’d be a little
0:36:58.960,0:37:03.040
more comfortable talking about theirs
because it’s very important to you know
0:37:03.040,0:37:07.119
share what you’re feeling i think that’s
important as well right the mother to
0:37:07.119,0:37:10.880
remember that you may not have actively
experienced postnatal depression but you
0:37:10.880,0:37:12.960
just
opening up that conversation with
0:37:12.960,0:37:17.359
somebody else and asking them
what they’re doing may just be what they
0:37:17.359,0:37:21.280
need to just
get it off their chest yeah that’s
0:37:21.280,0:37:27.200
that’s really true um
i think we’ve talked about so many
0:37:27.200,0:37:30.800
different things and
you know we’ve had some we’ve talked
0:37:30.800,0:37:32.640
about the positives and obviously some
of
0:37:32.640,0:37:36.640
the laws that you can sometimes feel
with motherhood um
0:37:36.640,0:37:40.960
is there anything else you’d like to add
before we end the conversation
0:37:40.960,0:37:44.079
to anyone who’s listening and if you’re
expecting
0:37:44.079,0:37:47.440
my two tools were educate and meditate
and
0:37:47.440,0:37:51.520
like that’s my pregnancy and early
motherhood mantra
0:37:51.520,0:37:55.280
it has a it has a ring to it as well
that’s incredible i’m definitely
0:37:55.280,0:37:58.880
um going to share that mantra and i
think i’ll take some of um
0:37:58.880,0:38:02.560
your wisdom with me as well because i
think it doesn’t really matter where you
0:38:02.560,0:38:06.079
are in your stage of motherhood
um i know that’s right yeah yeah as well
0:38:06.079,0:38:09.440
right now
yeah yeah and i got to learn so many
0:38:09.440,0:38:13.119
things about you i love the fact that we
talked about how we integrate a child
0:38:13.119,0:38:16.000
into our life
yeah i really really enjoyed it and i’d
0:38:16.000,0:38:19.440
like to thank you once again for making
the time today
0:38:19.440,0:38:23.359
thank you for listening to this week’s
episode that was maria who is a
0:38:23.359,0:38:28.960
marketing professional and she runs
a blog called calorie collector go check
0:38:28.960,0:38:32.720
her out it’s all about food
culture and motherhood you can find all
0:38:32.720,0:38:36.000
her links below
in the show notes and don’t forget to
0:38:36.000,0:38:47.839
leave us a review
and a rating i truly appreciate it
0:39:09.760,0:39:11.839
you
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